Big Dump

101

“So how’s your boyfriend?” Colin’s question had a little bit of venom, but I supposed it was solely from his cynical approach to the new image of Thom being with a bloke.

Thom froze for a second, but then found himself quickly and sat next to Colin, taking the napkin from the table and tossing it on his lap.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” he stated and Colin was ready to confront him, “He’s my lover.”

A short “Oh” escaped Colin’s lips and I agreed with him – there’s really nothing that can be used as an answer to that.

I noticed a few scratches on Thom’s neck and how he kept rubbing his shoulder that was covered by the material of his suit. I guessed there was a bruise.

“So is this…an infatuation?” Ed said this as his deft fingers played with the napkin; he always folds and fondles it throughout the whole dinner – an old habit of his.

“I’m not infatuated,” Thom took a sip of his wine, “I’m new to this and he is good to be my first stage.”

“So it’s just the technique? Because it’s clear if there’s no feeling behind this, it can’t be for pleasure,” Colin chipped in again and Thom turned his smiling head to him.

“You can say that.”

“But there’s a second stage?” it was Ed again.

“Sure, there’s a second stage.”

“And will it involve a feeling?”

“Maybe,” Thom was coy now, his glance setting on the white of the tablecloth, “You haven’t said anything,” he almost whispered and raised his head to meet my eyes.

“I don’t think it’s any of my business,” – that was my prepared answer. It’s been prepared for a month.

“I’m your friend, of course it is your business,” he cocked his head to the side, studying me.

“There are certain boundaries even between friends.”

“They are vague and can be moved, depending on the spectrum of the feeling.”

“…And depending on the will of one of them to know something about another.”

“So you do not choose to know?”

“I do not.”

“Why is that?”

“First of all, it’s too intimate; second of all, it is rude to intrude; but mostly, I’m not fond of that type of relationship.”

“A relationship between two men?”

“A relationship with no feeling to back it up.”

“Oh, so you think I’m carnal.”

“Well…”

“And you are disgusted with me and with him?”

I’m surrounded by the dead silence.

“No.”

I dared to meet his gaze and saw a tiny twinkle in it. His eyes were smiling. His whole body was smiling. The warmth and darkness of it expanded to engulf me, I could feel its velvet fingers at my throat.

…::…

The blazers were abandoned and his shirtsleeves were cuffed. We moved to the pub, losing Phil to a date. Thom, Ed and Colin were at the booth and I was sitting at the bar, downing my third pint and imagining the way my back looked from his angle of view.

It was not long before he slammed his glass next to mine and sat on the adjacent stool, only facing the other way. His elbows were at the bar behind him and I assumed he was stretched, but my peripheral vision was too poor to see that. From glances I managed, he looked fuck happy and content.

“Weren’t I here now, you’d be already making a lousy excuse and leaving,” he stated matter-o-factly.

“You are wrong,” I finished my pint and wiped my mouth with the back of the hand, “I was planning on staying at least 20 minutes more.”

“Yes, but you would get nervous an impatient and end up leaving 2 minutes after the decision.”

“True,” I answered after giving it a bit of thought.

He chuckled and then leaned in to fix the button on my shirt that popped out accidentally.

“And that would be absolutely terrible,” he stated, staying close to me for another moment.

So I stayed and after a couple of shots with him and the others I even agreed to steal a guitar from the stage and play for him as he danced and wrestled with Ed and Colin, laughing. I was drunk and I did not restrain myself from looking at him, allowing my gaze to sweep down to his exposed collarbones, skin stretched tight other them, reminding me of a drum. I even put my arms around him as he sat on my lap playfully, flicking my hair with his fingers and managing to stroke my cheek lightly before Ed pulled him off of me and onto the floor where they engaged in another round of the play fight.

We were thrown out eventually, Thom laughing and daring to give the bouncer a peck on the cheek before he was shoved onto the sidewalk with the rest of us. He got up and took a cigarette out of his pocket, smiling at me, a trickle of blood at the corner of his mouth. His cheekbone was bruised and a few buttons from his shirt were missing, however the luminous look in his eyes told me that he is fine and wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Come on,” he jerked his head to show me the way, “Let’s walk you home.”

I followed him and soon we were walking down the street next to each other, our shoulders brushing slightly.

“You are going to stay at Jeff’s then tonight,” I said when we reached the stoop of my apartment building.

“Nah, I ended things with him,” he threw the finished cigarette on the sidewalk and stepped on it.

“Stage one is over then?” I raised my eyebrow, looking at him.

“Yes, but he doesn’t really know that yet,” he chuckled, his head down.

I stepped closer to him, cradling his head in my hands and lifting it to meet my eyes.

“When is stage two starting then?”

“Very soon, I guess.”

“And will it involve a feeling?”

“Yes,” his eyes were half-closed and my lips were hovering over his.

“And will it end as quickly as stage one?”

“No,” he smiled, his eyes closing slowly, “Stage two is an infinite loop.”